Sunday, October 5, 2014

Welcome to the real world [unfinished 9/4/14]

Grumpy. That's the word that describes my past 12 months.  I know everyone told me life would only get worse from now on, but not even I could be prepared for what real life really means.  I have a lot of disappointments about how things can turn out or how people can really be.  I suppose I just need to remember that while I may not have everything perfectly how I want it, I still have got some good things and should be appreciative of those things.  I am thankful everyday for my beautiful dog and my loving boyfriend.  I should be thankful that I have a job and I should be thankful that I have a place to live, but I have little reservations about those things that should drive me to keep trying for something better.

A new age [unfinished 6/9/13]

There was once a time when I thought I had fallen in love with someone.  I was head over heels and couldn't keep myself away from him.  I followed him around like a shadow and did everything I could to get his attention. I eventually got tired of waiting for him to notice me instead of the other girls, so I grieved the failure and moved on.  This was his queue to realize what opportunity he had let slip away.  He in turn began to pursue me, but I refused to let him bring me back into the past.  At least that's what I tried to do.  The moment you let your gaurd down, they take and take.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Totem Animal

"If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change." - Wayne Dyer

I have always been attached to frogs since I can first remember learning about them in Kindergarten, and then fully identifying with them by the time I was 8.  I liked the way frogs looked and lived; some were powerfully toxic and some were just fat pests.  I've always seen the frog to be kind of a laid back being with his permeable skin soaking up the energy around him and using it as he would.
As I come to a point of transition in my life, I look to the world's cutest transformer, the frog.  He goes through physical and mental changes as he grows.  He travels back and forth between the water and the land.  He balances his life on the cusp of water and solid ground.
I'm looking up to this guy, he knows whats up.  Now that I've finished my bachelors degree and I'm moving on to new places, I need to be the frog and take it all in stride.  I'm anxious about what lays ahead for me, and this is because I don't really know what to expect or how to handle it.  I suppose it won't be terribly hard, but it is all going to be such a new pond--you just can't help being a little scared about what else lurks in it.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Mr Pickles

Mr Pickles, beloved pet iguana, 2003-2013
Although he had a very tough beginning, Mr Pickles surely lived long enough to enjoy comforts that most exotic pets don't survive to see.  He came to me in January 2004, bought from a pet store for a few bucks in Las Cruces, NM.  He and I had many disagreements about things, but I admit I was probably way too relaxed with his care.
Fastforward to our trip to Washington in 2006, Mr Pickles became very ill with MBD and fractured several bones including his jaw.  He recovered but we still saw the affects of this last until his final day.  He was always smaller than he should have been, and he had that terribly silly looking overbite.  Today I feel the pain of his loss, and I question whether I did all that I could to give him a happy life.  As a pet mother, I know I made mistakes with him and I regret that, but I don't regret keeping him and caring for him because I knew I could do better than most others.  Caring for an iguana is not easy.  Especially one that gets ill quite often.
Mr Pickles had been deteriorating in health for the past 6 months from an unknown illness. I assume it was some type of cancer based on all of the symptoms.  He passed away in his sleep last night.  This morning he was laid to rest in the back garden with a bushel of strawberries (his favorite thing in the whole damn world).
I can honestly say I learned a lot from Mr Pickles in the 9 years we spent together. I learned that all things in this world deserve our best, even the things that bite and scratch us.  We have to be good and strong people to take all the lashings from our pets in order for us to help them have long and happy lives.
I learned that I could not mold his needs to fit mine and the only I could succeed would be to shape myself to fit his needs.  I did just that and everything was smooth sailing from there.  As a pet parent you have to make sacrifices and you have to be motivated to give everything you can to your pet.  Pet parents must be driven to success by being active and attentive.  You have to find answers when you have none.  All you need is love...? NO! You need strong conviction to be the best.  You need to instill healthy habits in yourself and you need to teach healthy habits to your pets!
Thank you, Mr Pickles, and rest well my little green biter.

This loss has left an empty space in my heart.  Maybe after some time has passed I can move on and welcome more furry babies into my home.