Sunday, January 24, 2010

Not so sure about these things

I don't usually make a great effort at advertising my eligibility for romantic encounters.  I'm so busy with school at the moment (I'll expand on this in a moment) and I just don't have the time to go out and woo and get wooed.  So my relationship with my current lover is getting dangerously unstable because neither he nor I have time to spend with each other and therefore are not leaving our "honeymoon" phase like a proper couple should.  I'm getting uncomfortable stagnating in the honeymoon phase and having to force myself to come up with reasons to stay with him.  I'm also getting pushed into what I call the "healer's corner" thats when I'm only there because I feel the need to fix or heal the person (and usually I'm not able to). When I'm in the healer's corner I will inevitably forget the reasons I am in a relationship in the first place, like love. I never win when I'm stuck in the corner. I end up leaving and feeling like a failure because I can't help the person and maybe even made them worse than before. So I'm not sure about how to deal with this.  What I like most is that he checks off all my required boxes for the Mr. Right checklist; the only problem is that I can't get into him. Usually I am complaining about how easily I fall into an infatuation but this time it's completely different.  I feel like I need to please him but I end up falling short because I'm not comfortable (we've only been seeing each other sporadically for the past year). This uncomfortableness is relatively new to me because in the past I've had absolutely no problems jumping off bridges for men.  Half of me thinks some catalyst will make things work and the other half is saying that its obviously not going to work.
For the past three weeks I have been surprised at how smooth my classes were going.  Besides being terrified of my Anatomy teacher and intolerant for Spanish 122 everything has been relatively easy.  This weekend was my congratulatory celebration at my arrival into Hell.  All of my teachers (except for PE of course) decided to assign major weekend projects.  Due on Monday: a 2-5 page essay on genetics for Biological Anthropology, 3 sets of video questions for Spanish, 2 Anatomy worksheets, study for a Spanish exam and a Anthropology exam, and I promised to help a classmate study for the Anthropology exam by typing all of my lecture notes.  So I woke up extra early on Saturday to get started on my marathon and before I knew it the sun was down and I hadn't even eaten breakfast. With a little less than half of my genetics essay done and everything else to go, I was super worried, super tired, and super hungry.  No worries, I don't expect to go insane quite yet, but who knows, it might not be far off if I have more weekends like this.  Today I woke up early again and geared for some hard core scholastic adventures, but to my dismay we were all out of caffeinated tea and I wasn't ready to go to battle without some extra influence.  Its a short and very cold bike ride to the store for sure. I rarely ever drink energy drinks, but my brain was begging for a binge today. So my day was fueled by a continuous supply of caffeine, and now I'm 90% done with everything.  I'll have to remind myself not to look over my work tomorrow or else I might come to find out that my drug-induced ramblings hardly make justice for a genetics essay or that hyped up spanglish doesn't get full credit on video questions. It'll have to do.
Anyways, CWU wants me to send them $100 as a confirmation that I've chosen to attend in the Fall (as if their tuition isn't going to be enough to kill me?), if anyone wants to make a donation, it would be fabulously appreciated.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Relaxing is my thing

So as crazy as it all boils down to during this first week and a half of class, I feel pretty serene.  I have been officially accepted to Central Washington University for Fall quarter of 2010.  I think that is a pretty decent accomplishment on my part because I have been known to be very lazy and non-punctual.
I have a treat for everyone today. Its an old picture of my little sis Jana, my soul-twin Sean, and little me.

Awww look I'm so cute! And if you're wondering where I am when this was taken, no I'm not in the snow, its White Sands Missile Range in New Mexico. Yeah, so that's your gift, happy birthday.
I'm thinking I need to be on a reality TV show. It'll be tough to get onto one though, because we all know everyone who applies is faker than a cake. But I figure I'll just get dandy with a producer or something. Easy peasy. But anyways, this show is gonna probably be something like the Bachelorette but Hell no I won't promise to marry anyone. I think I should just be able to date a plethora of men at once and have them physically battle each other to the death for the chance to win my heart (but they won't win because that's silly). I just want to see the fists fly. It could be called The Bachelorette: Colosseum of Gladiators! And all the men can be fat nerds too! That would be wonderful. And if anyone cries, besides me, they will get automatically disqualified. Needless to say, the show should last a whole day or two of filming before failing.
So I want everyone to know that dogs are amazing! My sweet pea BB is the best dog I could have ever asked for. I love how I come home early with my new school schedule and I'm just exhausted and jonesing for a nap and she just plops up on my bed and snuggles with me until I fall asleep.  Her fluffy little body is the best cuddly bear for afternoon naps.  I have two words to say: Unconditional Love. Wow, that's deep.