Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Thinking of wonderful things

My life feels particularly slow at the moment.  I feel bored with my classes even though I'm being drilled to hell with homework and other such assignments.  Its like yeah, I think I got the gist of this, now can we move on please? But I've still got a couple weeks to go before I'm free to roam for Winter break.  And its fucking cold! I can't motivate myself to do my morning bike route anymore, because I just can't get up to do all that in 28degF plus a little rain to boot. I'm a chicken, and I think I do just fine by staying moderately involved with life. All I want is a hot cup of tea and a good book to read.
I'm so ready for some new classes, and I'm all signed up for next quarter. No worries, I did plenty of research at to make sure that I get all the good ones. I'm taking Anatomy, Biological Anthropology, SpanishII, and a PE class to keep me warm.
Friday Nov. 27 I have a date with a tattoo artist to get some permanent ink. I'm excited. It's going to be a red-eyed tree frog sitting behind my shoulder. Not too big, not to complicated, no deep and power symbolism.  I've been set with the task to help ut my aunt and sketch out some ideas for tattoos for her and I'm trying real hard to keep up with those. Stupid spanish homework keeps distracting me.
I got all of my money finally. I've got a nice lump of green in the bank now and I feel so much better having some in there. I'm a little worried about how money is going to work out next quarter for school, but we'll see about that later. I just have to keep on myself about saving money from now until eternity. I think maybe I've been a bit foolish about spending. Not too foolish, I don't ever buy silly things or obviously overpirced items, but I think I could make a few smarter choices or at least make sure to think about the future before making any monitary commitments.
My main squeeze is supposedly coming to visit me for Thanksgiving break and I''m so excited to see him. Ever since he cancelled our date for Halloween I've been a bit bummed. I haven't actually seen his face since before Fall quarter classes started. Thats a really long time to go without seeing him or getting one of his awesomely tight hugs. I'm eager to get to next week.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Ethically egotistic much?

Individual existence, subjectivity, individual freedom, and choice.

What does this make you think of?
When are we all going to realize that we need not care about why life is, but what we do with it? I want you to think real hard about your own individualism. What makes you an individual? Maybe your quest for moral perfection is just leading you to be just like past moral role models. And who says these instances are for moral growth? I think you do.

I believe that in order to life a full life then we must not restrain ourselves by flimsy rules set by society's standards, we should act on our own convictions and random whims to make our lives true. True to ourselves. No one can tell us what is wrong or right for us. They can use words to explain what is wrong or right in society, but they have no say in what we do with our bodies, our minds, our souls, our love, our hate, or anything else that is of our being.

"God is dead." who said that? I know, do you? Neitzsche told us that we only refer to our universe as an orderly place because it is the easiest way to explain everything. No rules exist, not really. Physics? no. gravity? no. time? hell no! We create these variables only to mask our own ignorace of the metaphysical which is hidden from our minds in the shadow of science and god. An orderly universe is fiction that has been accepted by the masses.

We create our nature of self just as plants and animals do. We have no purpose other than to live so we can die. Whether you decide to make something of your life is a choice left only to you. So choose something to do with your life. Follow it with conviction! No doubt it is a tough responsibility to stay persistant with your meaning of life, but nontheless, do it.

The human self, wich combines mind and body, is itself a paradox and a contradiction. Two totally separate entities are combined to make... you. Yet how can mind and body link, one being of physical and the other something quite the opposite? They do, or rather, they can. It is a massive task to link together your mind with your body so go get some rest!

So another question is: Can I connect with the metaphysical just like my body connects with my mind?

Life is pointless without conviction. There is no higher power, only me (or you). I say what goes and what doesn't in my life. We are born, we live, we die. Yes folks, we are all going to die. Some of us are going to die young, some will live to be very old; eventually we will die. If we were to think about death a little closer we would notice that life is essentially pointless. So you might as well make the best of it while you can. I believe in a realm beyond death, but it is something entirely different from life beyond death. There will be no heaven or hell, no god or devine spirit, there will be no rewards or punishments; afterall, you have decided what is right and what is wrong for you anyways, how could there possibly be a hell? Unless you regret something you've done... but why would someone be stupid enough to do that?!
Please see Utilitarianism and Ethical Egoism.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Some things make money difficult

Okay, so I'm a happy little college student and basically a first generation college student as well (except that my mother's attempt at a college education is very complicated). I don't come from the richest family in the world, so naturally I have to come up with a way to pay for my school by myself.  I gladly sign up for Financial Aid thinking this will be the perfect solution! Sadly this isn't the case. Not only was the process for applying extremely slow, but their process of doing my paperwork on time was so incredibly lag that I didn't get my Fall check until this first week of November! I had to use my emergency savings money to pay for tuition, now I have about $200 left in what was over $2000 in my savings. Because they took so long in processing my paperwork, I didn't qualify for all the usual benefits. It was a first come first serve process, but because they were so slow I got put at the end of the line. This was all very incredibly stupid, and now I'm just all flustered and angry about everything. I refuse to be put at the end of the line next time.
I am so amazingly ready to move on to my next step in my college career.  I'm ready for a bigger school, better classes, and hopefull better teachers.  I was so disappointed when I realized that teachers in college weren't quite as friendly or understanding as those I came across in high school. All of my buddies seem to feel oppositely of how I do, but they all hated high school to no end. I just don't see why I seem to be having more problems with college, an education I have chosen to pay (dearly) for, than I did when I was just another robot in the public school system.  I'm not complaining about classes. I enjoy the little bit of challenge that I sometimes find here... *sigh* sometimes.... but I don't see why its so easy for the college office people to repeatedly lose my paperwork, work as slow as snail in processing it, and then attempt to blame me for doing something right when clearly they just can't get their head out of their own asses to see that they really fucked up. Hah! Too bad for them, I'm one of those people that doesn't take their shit once I really start getting ticked off. I am forgiving, and one or two mistakes I can understand.  But I just don't understand why they just can't do it right on the 4th, 5th, 6th time?!
I find myself answering the door the other day to find a couple of JW missionaries at my door.  I really hate telling them to go away because its not like I hate them oor have any personal dislike against them, so I guess I listen to their bible stuff and stick it out until they leave. I won't invite them in for tea, but I refuse to scream at them until they go running off the property either. So what do I do? As soon as they stop blabbing I jump right in and start complaining about how aweful the system is for supporting poor college students like myself and how my life is full of turmoil and struggles and I just can't figure out how to make them work faster in the office or how I could really use some more money to pay for books or transportation fees. They say God will forgive my sins. I say, that's great but I haven't had time to commit any lately.  Its really hard to do that stuff when I'm stuck at home all day slaving over homework, and if I'm out of the house then I'm in class. I make a point to spend most of my extra time with family. They say, that's great family is very important [insert family oriented bible scripture here]. Yeah, I say, my family is a whole motley of different religions, Lutheran, Mormon, Catholic, JW, Wicca, but we don't let that get in the way of our unity. They say, you have JW neighbors there in that house [points]. Oh yeah, I say, Barb and Lyn are like back-up grandparents I didn't know they were JW, thats cool I guess.  They finally leave eventurally, but they promise to be back next week to convert my soul to be closer to Yhawy.
Thats all I need, more people bugging me about where I need to go and what I need to do... I just wanna sit in my blow up raft and float down my river of life. No need for paddles or steering devices or power engines, I just wanna let it roll out however.