Sunday, January 24, 2010

Not so sure about these things

I don't usually make a great effort at advertising my eligibility for romantic encounters.  I'm so busy with school at the moment (I'll expand on this in a moment) and I just don't have the time to go out and woo and get wooed.  So my relationship with my current lover is getting dangerously unstable because neither he nor I have time to spend with each other and therefore are not leaving our "honeymoon" phase like a proper couple should.  I'm getting uncomfortable stagnating in the honeymoon phase and having to force myself to come up with reasons to stay with him.  I'm also getting pushed into what I call the "healer's corner" thats when I'm only there because I feel the need to fix or heal the person (and usually I'm not able to). When I'm in the healer's corner I will inevitably forget the reasons I am in a relationship in the first place, like love. I never win when I'm stuck in the corner. I end up leaving and feeling like a failure because I can't help the person and maybe even made them worse than before. So I'm not sure about how to deal with this.  What I like most is that he checks off all my required boxes for the Mr. Right checklist; the only problem is that I can't get into him. Usually I am complaining about how easily I fall into an infatuation but this time it's completely different.  I feel like I need to please him but I end up falling short because I'm not comfortable (we've only been seeing each other sporadically for the past year). This uncomfortableness is relatively new to me because in the past I've had absolutely no problems jumping off bridges for men.  Half of me thinks some catalyst will make things work and the other half is saying that its obviously not going to work.
For the past three weeks I have been surprised at how smooth my classes were going.  Besides being terrified of my Anatomy teacher and intolerant for Spanish 122 everything has been relatively easy.  This weekend was my congratulatory celebration at my arrival into Hell.  All of my teachers (except for PE of course) decided to assign major weekend projects.  Due on Monday: a 2-5 page essay on genetics for Biological Anthropology, 3 sets of video questions for Spanish, 2 Anatomy worksheets, study for a Spanish exam and a Anthropology exam, and I promised to help a classmate study for the Anthropology exam by typing all of my lecture notes.  So I woke up extra early on Saturday to get started on my marathon and before I knew it the sun was down and I hadn't even eaten breakfast. With a little less than half of my genetics essay done and everything else to go, I was super worried, super tired, and super hungry.  No worries, I don't expect to go insane quite yet, but who knows, it might not be far off if I have more weekends like this.  Today I woke up early again and geared for some hard core scholastic adventures, but to my dismay we were all out of caffeinated tea and I wasn't ready to go to battle without some extra influence.  Its a short and very cold bike ride to the store for sure. I rarely ever drink energy drinks, but my brain was begging for a binge today. So my day was fueled by a continuous supply of caffeine, and now I'm 90% done with everything.  I'll have to remind myself not to look over my work tomorrow or else I might come to find out that my drug-induced ramblings hardly make justice for a genetics essay or that hyped up spanglish doesn't get full credit on video questions. It'll have to do.
Anyways, CWU wants me to send them $100 as a confirmation that I've chosen to attend in the Fall (as if their tuition isn't going to be enough to kill me?), if anyone wants to make a donation, it would be fabulously appreciated.