Thursday, April 12, 2012

Xibalba, adventure through

The path I have been following has become a bit overgrown, brambled, and difficult to navigate.  Someone hand me a flashlight please.  The amount of school work I've had to do is increasing to an incredible level and it's nowhere near the level cap.  I'm a little worried that I am losing steam for the adventure through school.  The last thing I want is to get burnt out on something I love to do.  What I want is security and stability, and what if I can't situate myself properly? I'm not sure what to do.  I want to do so many things while I am still in school, because I will have a harder time doing them later, however, the more I put on my plate, the more I just want to pick up and just go travel the world for a year or something crazy like that.
Dreams of far away places are not the only things star-crossing my mind.  I also have many an image of settling down and establishing a comfortable home where I can relax and have carefree afternoons.  All of this worry and conflict is driving me crazy at the moment.  I can't do this moody sleeping-in-and-I-don't-care-about-the-world every morning.  I need to find a way to get past that and realize that I can't retire quite yet, I have a few requirements to meet for that still.
I have a dilapidating fear.  A fear of leaving school. A fear of what happens after the degree is over.  I mean, I know the world of work is awaiting my expertise and talents... but that sounds so boring.  No one wants boring.  My career field is filled with many interesting things, but I'm quickly learning that if you want to be a part of the interesting projects you need to be a fucking rock star, and until that day (the same day pigs will be granted viable flying mechanisms) you are going to be doing the little menial jobs in the windowless basement.
I'm coming against conflict with my academic advisor and I have little--rather, no argument for my case.  He says lithic analysis is the key to the future of archaeological research. My mind says lithic analysis is a colorless and arithmatic analysis of archaeological materials.  Don't get me started on that pile of debitage.  I can't just tell him that his dissertation topic is a steaming pile of shit and I'd rather not touch it with a ten foot pole.  The scholar demands a bit of logical reasoning for any of my disagreements. I have nothing except that I would just rather study the stone cold bodies of ancient Greek and Roman marble statues, rock art, herioglyphics, paleo-lithic weaponry, or Mediterranean maritime trade of all ages.  I wouldn't mind visiting South America and doing some cave diving and experience the true feeling of being in Xibalba for myself.
My school doesn't offer classes or many resources for me to study these interests.  Pacific Northwest Native American tribes are much more important in this area for obvious reasons.  However it is sad that I must study these PNW topics at the whims of my professors because I don't have the financial means to travel or study independently.
Also, I think I am going to nut up and officially sign up for the Museum Studies minor. Le sigh.
I suppose for now, the best thing I can do is muddle through until I have received my degree and hope that life after school is not just a walk straight into my grave.