Monday, October 3, 2011
Besides, I haven't always been this lighthearted and jubilant. My choice to follow my heart's desire is relatively new. I suppose it came along with my new year's resolution this year. I wanted to be happier this year, and for the most part I believe I have been doing very well to succeed in achieving exactly that. People may want to understand me better, but really all they need to know is that I am an ever-changing creature and they can really only go with my unusual rhythm and enjoy a never-dull experience. In order to figure me out one would need to really read between my lines and pay attention to all the little blips and flashes of the tempest hidden deep within me. But that takes way more time and effort than anyone would want to put forward on a chance like me. Good job for studying me harder than Newton studied physics, now I'm going to leave and be on my merry way, please have this bumper sticker as a token of my appreciation.
I spent several years in a personal solitude. I had experienced a series of damages and seemingly superficial (but it was all I had at the time) losses. In my time of antisocial silence I was a very similar person as I am today, but I was really only an empty shell occasionally noticed by outsiders. I had a lot of thoughts run through my mind in those years; the good, the bad, and the ugly. The few people to whom I forced myself to mumble words to were guardian spirits who found me and helped me begin the process of growing into a strong and vibrant woman. I thank them wholeheartedly every chance I get. My growing pains were often and at times seemed unbearable, but somehow I got myself through it. I suppose change happens no matter what; change doesn't care that I survived, but I'm lucky I did.
Getting through these college years has been a smooth piece of cake. I'm finding out now that I really don't like cake, I would much rather enjoy some pie. But I won't let this go to waste, don't worry. I certainly plan on finishing what I've started before I really begin a new adventure. My motivation is perfectly solid (at least for the next year or two). But this year I wanted to be different. I realized I was tired of being left alone. I joined some clubs in hopes that I would make some friends and start some fires because I was ready to do some bonfire dancing and I was ready to be noticed.
I've made some new friends and I'm enjoying every minute of it. My only fear is that everything will eventually change. I know this will happen inevitably. A new tide will come in, and I'll have to start all over again, just like everything I've ever experienced eventually goes away and I have to start new again and again and again...