1Doz. red strippers--I mean roses.

The conclusion to my lovely Valentine's Day Rose saga ended with a bang.  My admirer finally announced his identity to me after two weeks of leaving mysterious roses on my doorstep.  My announcement after all of this is: I agreed to his proposal to go steady.
At first I was a little weary of this lothario to motion to initiate a serious relationship because we had been spending time together for the past year under the context of keeping our infatuations out of it all.  I mean, I admit it was a bit difficult for me to follow these rules we established.  It's hard not to start up something that is so incredibly fun, and not get caught up in the risks.  So when my willpower failed I would meditate on all the reasons why the rules of engagement are important and I would cleanse myself of any lust or jealousy.  Around the end of January I had made quite a bit of headway with a few other suitors and I really stopped worrying about any woes brought on by my valentine.  When he asked for a serious relationship I was surprised and unsure of what I really wanted, but I knew that this was something I really couldn't walk away from.

After having a couple days to think deeply about what I want to accomplish on a personal level in the next few years, I've decided that because its impossible to see whether the future holds tragedy or fortune all I can do is live in the moment and cheerfully hope that all goes well.  Of course, I don't want to start out making terrible decisions that will obviously end badly, but I don't want to make an instant flip-flop on my current lifestyle (none of us want that culture shock that is often experienced when leaving Karinamania).  I don't know if either of us are really ready to go head first into the cold waters of getting tied down by the relationship red tape; but I also have to weigh in the likely possibility of going down the slippery slope of reckless freedoms.  We all know how fragile the line can be between "I'm okay with this" and "I am deeply hurt by this."  I've got a plan that might be the solution to my problem, but I think I'm going to sleep on it, just in case I haven't thought of all the possible consequences.  I suppose making an informed decision may make or break my success.
I have an honest smile on my face right now, and I can feel a strong glow in my heart, so deep down I think I know I'm experiencing some good things right now. I like this. I am happy.
I also can't avoid giving a shout out to my bestest breast friend forever, Gwen, who got engaged on Valentines Day.  This is so exciting and I don't want to sound really selfish, but I'm going to be a little (and by 'little' I mean 'a lot') bummed out if I don't make the cut for Maid of Honor. This is a life goal I cannot miss my chance for.  I'm already planning the rumble in the jungle bridal shower/bachelorette party. Finally I can have my stripper and eat it too--CAKE! I meant to say cake... dammit.

Beau♥, beau♥, black sheepX

Its an interesting life, this one of mine.  Around the new year I decided I wanted to make myself a bit more appealing in a way that would bring the attention of men with the purpose of having a more serious and monogamous relationship.  An interesting turn of events has spun my tables in a completely different direction.  I was having a hard time sticking to my rigid new year's "resolution." Instead of dropping all of my inamoratos, I've come to acquire a few more.  I always hate when I have to drop one because my schedule, emotions, and energy just can't support them all; I also hate when I have to drop one because there just isn't any chemistry or connection coming from within me.  I hate loosing them, and that's because I really hate loosing the possibility to get attention from them.  Well, at least it seems to be following the theory of "one door closes and another one opens."  I'm enjoying being able to spend (exactly the perfect amount of) time with each of my gentlemen friends each day of the week.  I can't explain why or how these circumstances befall me.  Sometimes I'm just so excited to see my swain... so excited to feel his touch--I don't realize that I've gone over the edge with him until later when I have had time to cool my jets and contemplate the day.  Sometimes I wonder if my heart doesn't know how to work right.  I feel the rush of the moment, and I feel the farthest reaches of my passion, but I don't know how to make feelings last any longer.  I've felt those stirrings that poets have been repeating over the ages, but I'm always left with an empty and lonely shell of a heart once the date ends.  I'm finding myself always in a state of wild anticipation until the next man stumbles onto my doorstep.  I'm the witch living in the candy cottage waiting for the next victim to submit to her delicious temptations.  I really and truly enjoy the company of  these gentlemen, and I can't wait until the next time I get to spend time with one.  Its become the high (the addiction) I've been avoiding for years.  My starstruck eyes have not been able to determine if the path I travel truly is a dangerous one; but my brain tells me its a fool's hope to wish otherwise.  Well, I suppose I could send out an S.O.S. now; if someone knows a good way for me to save myself from impending doom, please let me know (until then, I guess I'll just have to continue enjoying my playtime like a good stack of fresh-hot brownies).
Its not just men I've been hoping to share my affections with.  I've been so overjoyed lately at the activities that I've been able to enjoy with female accompaniment.  I don't know what my aprehension is when it comes to connecting with other women.  I just get really nervous and sometimes feel a little intimidated when I try to strike up a friendship with them.  If only someone could just tell me the secret to being able to talk to women, all my inner struggles will be solved.  I really do love being able to spend time with the ladies.  I really like listening to all the stories and adventures that energize their hearts and their hatred.  There is always a lurking desire to have a few lady friends that I can trust to be reliable and stable.  Honestly, I'm trying really hard to keep my motivation to seek out this female companionship.  I don't want fear to overcome me this time.