Monday, February 20, 2012

1Doz. red strippers--I mean roses.

The conclusion to my lovely Valentine's Day Rose saga ended with a bang.  My admirer finally announced his identity to me after two weeks of leaving mysterious roses on my doorstep.  My announcement after all of this is: I agreed to his proposal to go steady.
At first I was a little weary of this lothario to motion to initiate a serious relationship because we had been spending time together for the past year under the context of keeping our infatuations out of it all.  I mean, I admit it was a bit difficult for me to follow these rules we established.  It's hard not to start up something that is so incredibly fun, and not get caught up in the risks.  So when my willpower failed I would meditate on all the reasons why the rules of engagement are important and I would cleanse myself of any lust or jealousy.  Around the end of January I had made quite a bit of headway with a few other suitors and I really stopped worrying about any woes brought on by my valentine.  When he asked for a serious relationship I was surprised and unsure of what I really wanted, but I knew that this was something I really couldn't walk away from.
After having a couple days to think deeply about what I want to accomplish on a personal level in the next few years, I've decided that because its impossible to see whether the future holds tragedy or fortune all I can do is live in the moment and cheerfully hope that all goes well.  Of course, I don't want to start out making terrible decisions that will obviously end badly, but I don't want to make an instant flip-flop on my current lifestyle (none of us want that culture shock that is often experienced when leaving Karinamania).  I don't know if either of us are really ready to go head first into the cold waters of getting tied down by the relationship red tape; but I also have to weigh in the likely possibility of going down the slippery slope of reckless freedoms.  We all know how fragile the line can be between "I'm okay with this" and "I am deeply hurt by this."  I've got a plan that might be the solution to my problem, but I think I'm going to sleep on it, just in case I haven't thought of all the possible consequences.  I suppose making an informed decision may make or break my success.
I have an honest smile on my face right now, and I can feel a strong glow in my heart, so deep down I think I know I'm experiencing some good things right now. I like this. I am happy.
I also can't avoid giving a shout out to my bestest breast friend forever, Gwen, who got engaged on Valentines Day.  This is so exciting and I don't want to sound really selfish, but I'm going to be a little (and by 'little' I mean 'a lot') bummed out if I don't make the cut for Maid of Honor. This is a life goal I cannot miss my chance for.  I'm already planning the rumble in the jungle bridal shower/bachelorette party. Finally I can have my stripper and eat it too--CAKE! I meant to say cake... dammit.