Sea legs, confirmed

Get ready for some interesting news; I've got my wobbly legs! Indeed, the rumors are true. I experienced my first alcohol induced wobbles; at a great party by the way. Kudos for the dashing host who helped me get very tipsy and he didn't even take advantage of me.  I also want to thank everyone else who was supportive and also did not take advantage of me (even though they probably don't read my blogs, I'd like the Internetz to know they are pretty cool cats).  I think it was a great experience for a first-timer like me.  I didn't get overly drunk nor did I experience a hangover for the following morning.  I was obscenely hungry for the next 24 hours, but I'm not sure if that had anything to do with the previous night.  For those of you who care, I partook of these liquors: 151 rum, goldschlager, jagermiester, and vodka; these were in the form of various shots and mixed drinks.
After that whole deal I was set to my herculean task of doing all the work for Finals Week.  I finally got my TA job squared away in time to grade all the final essays for the World Prehistory class. Grade 37 papers by Monday 5pm; I can do that (just barely). Go to optional statistics exam on Tuesday? Sorry, no can do; I've got 10 pages of text to pull out of my ass for my Archaeology Methods course. Wednesday morning I have a Biological Anthropology exam, then I'm off to do some more writing before the Big One is due Thursday morning.  I have a strong suspicion that I won't actually be able to write all 10 pages, but I'm hoping that I can write it eloquently enough to scrape a C out of it.
I am home free by Friday! (I'm assuming I will be sleeping from 4pm Thursday until Friday noon-ish) I am looking forward to staying in bed for nearly 24 hours. I think I deserve it. Maybe I'll go all out and order pizza for dinner on Friday night.

Thirty-two and a half

Its been a long journey since I decided to start making healthier decisions about my diet.  I can honestly say that a lot has changed and not just my appearance.  I was a bit of a shy gal back in '08.  I had my colorful moments spattered here and there, but its nothing to the daily rainbow fountain I am today.  I get a kick out of reading my old diary entrees from back then.  I had a somewhat low self-esteem, although I doubt I've ever had a very poor sense of self.  My diary oozes with worries about never being able to go out and have fun with people and serious lack in friends; but this can certainly be racked up as a complete lack of trying. I was terribly lazy and over cautious about making friends.  I made a couple here and there, but I sure didn't know how to maintain a relationship with them. But congratulations to me for losing 32.5lbs. since 2008.  Hopefully this means I've completely grown out of my weird 'teen-age' shell.

Art by Viria13

I've been feeling a bit lonely today. I don't think its for lack of friends this time, I seem to have made quite a few new friends and that's great. I can't put my finger just on it though. I feel like I'm missing something--no, someone.  Might be because I got a call form my brother a couple days ago and I haven't heard from him in months.  I think there is a void in my social repertoire, I seem to be missing a main friend.  I can call my best friend Gwen, we can chat for a while, and that's about it.  But that's not quite enough right now.  The distance between us is much too difficult to overcome at the moment. I think I need something a little more tangible on a regular basis.  I haven't had a craving for this kind of intimacy in a long time.  Every time I try to fill this void it doesn't seem to work out very well. I've been doing something wrong I suppose.  I know my acid tongue and clever wit are hard to handle for most people.  I wish I could explain myself better.  I really hate to insult people seriously, but I have my own way of showing affection; if I'm calling you all the most horrible names in the book, it just means I REALLY like you.  Its pre-school logic: the people I like most are going to get pushed into the sandbox more often.  Honestly, I'm working hard on trying to be a bit nicer to everyone. Please try to take these punches as a compliment in the highest regards.  My friends really are great people, and I don't want to drive them away with a bitchy attitude.
I really like the wintertime, but I always feel like I'm losing touch with the real world whenever it rolls around.  I feel like I've been detached from everything, but I know I'm not. Maybe its just the cold weather and I don't want to leave my warm and cozy house.  Quick somebody save me from this macrame!

I, nix.

What's a girl to do when she's got just about everything she could ask for? I suppose she should find more things to ask for.  I need to find some new adventures, so far these paths have been beaten into regular trails for myself.  Its too bad Ashley Maddison hasn't given me a sugar daddy to help pay for my college education.  No doubt I've been gingerly enjoying my tied-up tryst. I'm certainly not ready to give that up at all.  I have a few other options on my plate at the moment as well, and I plan on exhausting all of them before I step off the high dive.  I intend to give no slack to the newest suitor and I'm positively entertained by his enthusiasm to go completely MMA on my Lady Buttons.  But there are some voids I haven't filled yet.  I'm looking to stuff myself with something a bit fuzzier.  And when I say 'fuzzier' I mean something a bit softer and more gentle.
I think I'm lonely on the female front.  My best friend Gwen and I have been ex-roommates for several months now, and I can really feel that vacancy.  Its interesting how today I caught myself thinking 'This gal looks really nice, I wonder if she would want to hang out sometime.' At first it was a little embarrassing to myself that I would be that lonely, but then I was comforted by the thought that this lovely lady may actually be my friend if I could just talk to her. Now, I know what you're thinking, this is sounding a little gay.  But you know what? I'm okay with this.
Now show 'em them titties!

Untitled Unabridged

It's interesting how a simple turn of the tides can bring on a wave of self contemplation.  I've been going about my business as usual for the past few weeks, but a few words come from the mouth of a friend and its a contagion of curiosity into myself.  It's got me wondering what exactly makes those whorls (not cogs) turn in my mind.  I'm a simple girl without too many vices.  I do not partake in any kind of harmful substances, unless you think a bit of caffeine in the morning is something to bring me down.  I like to keep myself happy and comfortable as best as I can.  Some might misunderstand some of this as a gluttonous lifestyle, but it's hardly that dense with pleasures.  Sometimes I worry for myself; if I'm getting too far down a path that may be a destructive one.  I make plenty of well-rounded decisions to better my future on a daily basis.  I think it might be okay for me to get out and be a little wild when the moon comes out.  Especially because I am still very young and strong I can handle consequences for any frivolous actions.  Thankfully, so far none too many have arisen.
Besides, I haven't always been this lighthearted and jubilant.  My choice to follow my heart's desire is relatively new.  I suppose it came along with my new year's resolution this year.  I wanted to be happier this year, and for the most part I believe I have been doing very well to succeed in achieving exactly that.  People may want to understand me better, but really all they need to know is that I am an ever-changing creature and they can really only go with my unusual rhythm and enjoy a never-dull experience.  In order to figure me out one would need to really read between my lines and pay attention to all the little blips and flashes of the tempest hidden deep within me.  But that takes way more time and effort than anyone would want to put forward on a chance like me.  Good job for studying me harder than Newton studied physics, now I'm going to leave and be on my merry way, please have this bumper sticker as a token of my appreciation.
I spent several years in a personal solitude.  I had experienced a series of damages and seemingly superficial (but it was all I had at the time) losses.  In my time of antisocial silence I was a very similar person as I am today, but I was really only an empty shell occasionally noticed by outsiders.  I had a lot of thoughts run through my mind in those years; the good, the bad, and the ugly.  The few people to whom I forced myself to mumble words to were guardian spirits who found me and helped me begin the process of growing into a strong and vibrant woman.  I thank them wholeheartedly every chance I get.  My growing pains were often and at times seemed unbearable, but somehow I got myself through it.  I suppose change happens no matter what; change doesn't care that I survived, but I'm lucky I did.
Getting through these college years has been a smooth piece of cake.  I'm finding out now that I really don't like cake, I would much rather enjoy some pie.  But I won't let this go to waste, don't worry.  I certainly plan on finishing what I've started before I really begin a new adventure.  My motivation is perfectly solid (at least for the next year or two).  But this year I wanted to be different.  I realized I was tired of being left alone.  I joined some clubs in hopes that I would make some friends and start some fires because I was ready to do some bonfire dancing and I was ready to be noticed.
I've made some new friends and I'm enjoying every minute of it.  My only fear is that everything will eventually change. I know this will happen inevitably. A new tide will come in, and I'll have to start all over again, just like everything I've ever experienced eventually goes away and I have to start new again and again and again...

Power playing

This summer has had quite a flare up of the old desire to please others.  It sure has added some speed bumps on my autobahn.  There sure are a lot of politics in life that (I think) most people don't even notice they are playing part in.  I have realized just recently that although I desire to please others I have a need to please them in a way that keeps me in control of the situation.  So what happens when someone, who I have been attending to, decides to make a move that puts them in more control?  That's when Dark Karina takes the reigns and devises a deceptive plan to regain the power.  I must be taking lessons from catty reality TV; I feel like the only way to make myself feel more comfortable is to power play.  Confused?  Here's a picture for your mind:  I'm normally a cheery nurse-like caretaker but now I've got my urchin by his lapels and I'm growling at him to make smarter life decisions. I'm about to make some very bold moves.  Thankfully enough I have all the pieces I need get through this and put it behind me as quick as possible.  I'm sorry if I run over anyone on my way out.
I'm glad to say that I'm moving into a new chapter in my life.  It's a little scary not knowing exactly what is going to happen next but I'm hopeful that it will be a positive experience.  I want to work a little harder this quarter at making and holding onto a network of friends and acquaintances.  New friendships are always a little difficult for me because I feel like I never really developed the skills to create those life-long friendships.  I am also learning that romantic friendships aren't always the best ones to use as a base for a life-long connection.  It would be nice to keep these summer flings into little year-round activities, but my expectations are low.  I suppose there may be one or two guys who might want to keep this comfortable regimen on our free time between our educational slavery shifts.  I always enjoy company and entertainment from visiting gentlemen.

I'm so pleased to announce that my four weeks of physical abuse as a surveyor on the Yakama Nation's forest is at an end.  Through all that pain comes plenty of payment.  I learned an incredible amount of information and a few basic skills in such a short time.  I'm glad to recognize how these skills fit in with the processes I am more familiar with in the laboratory setting.  My overall knowledge of archaeology techniques is starting to look a lot like a big web, one thing connected to another, rather than a long rope of 'step one-step two-step three.'  I have to say that the extensive letter of recommendation and a smart little paycheck have left me with a pleasant memory of the entire experience.