Power playing

This summer has had quite a flare up of the old desire to please others.  It sure has added some speed bumps on my autobahn.  There sure are a lot of politics in life that (I think) most people don't even notice they are playing part in.  I have realized just recently that although I desire to please others I have a need to please them in a way that keeps me in control of the situation.  So what happens when someone, who I have been attending to, decides to make a move that puts them in more control?  That's when Dark Karina takes the reigns and devises a deceptive plan to regain the power.  I must be taking lessons from catty reality TV; I feel like the only way to make myself feel more comfortable is to power play.  Confused?  Here's a picture for your mind:  I'm normally a cheery nurse-like caretaker but now I've got my urchin by his lapels and I'm growling at him to make smarter life decisions. I'm about to make some very bold moves.  Thankfully enough I have all the pieces I need get through this and put it behind me as quick as possible.  I'm sorry if I run over anyone on my way out.
I'm glad to say that I'm moving into a new chapter in my life.  It's a little scary not knowing exactly what is going to happen next but I'm hopeful that it will be a positive experience.  I want to work a little harder this quarter at making and holding onto a network of friends and acquaintances.  New friendships are always a little difficult for me because I feel like I never really developed the skills to create those life-long friendships.  I am also learning that romantic friendships aren't always the best ones to use as a base for a life-long connection.  It would be nice to keep these summer flings into little year-round activities, but my expectations are low.  I suppose there may be one or two guys who might want to keep this comfortable regimen on our free time between our educational slavery shifts.  I always enjoy company and entertainment from visiting gentlemen.

I'm so pleased to announce that my four weeks of physical abuse as a surveyor on the Yakama Nation's forest is at an end.  Through all that pain comes plenty of payment.  I learned an incredible amount of information and a few basic skills in such a short time.  I'm glad to recognize how these skills fit in with the processes I am more familiar with in the laboratory setting.  My overall knowledge of archaeology techniques is starting to look a lot like a big web, one thing connected to another, rather than a long rope of 'step one-step two-step three.'  I have to say that the extensive letter of recommendation and a smart little paycheck have left me with a pleasant memory of the entire experience.

This fish is not out of water

BB and I decided to go on a walk this morning, and I'm glad we did.  A week or so ago I found out that Ellensburg's largest park is about a block and a half down the street from my house. I thought it was great with the 6 baseball diamonds, 2 soccer fields, 2 play grounds, and paved running loop; but today we took it to the next level. The park actually reaches all the way to the Yakima river with several little calm lagoons, but it doesn't end there. There are also 2 recreational lakes, one of which has a shoreline that is dog walker friendly.  BB and I enjoyed the refreshing cool water on our skin and the early 10am-not-so-killer sunshine.  I want to go back tomorrow with my bathing suit.  Anyone is welcome to join us.

We are enjoying our new house way too much.  The back yard is adorable and there is just about everything I need right within reach. I'm a stone's throw from the supermarket and only 9 minute bike ride to the center of campus. I left behind a life with a dishwasher at the apartment and traded it for this adorable house with a washer and dryer, a yard, and a shed.

P.S. -- I took my piss test this morning for my new position with the Yakima Nation Forestry Archaeology Program. I also took my very first breathalyzer test. Yay me!

Not technically savvy

I can fix what was wrong with my old clothes dryer but I can't seem to figure out why my father's facebook account has locked him (and me) out. I set that account up so that my simple minded father could in no way screw anything up. Back up emails, cell numbers, secret questions... I had all of the information I needed to keep  his account afloat. But apparently FB feels that the identity of the account holder is in jeopardy and the account cannot be accessed by me, the obviously notorious and nefarious character intent on stealing his... wait--there's really no information, this profile is basically a name attached to a never-ending list of 30 friends.  FB, why don't you go spend your energy on protecting people who actually need it, like, little girls who befriend sex offenders and pedobears.  Actually maybe that's why the account was locked... dad? you know you're not supposed to accept friend requests from little girls whose top interest is Dateline NBC.
Anyways, I feel like the internet needs to stop being such a tight-ass. I thought memorizing passwords and secret questions was hard enough, now I have to deal with backup pin numbers and captchas at every turn. Soon no doubt they are going to require blood samples, background checks, and credit scores to let me into my social network.
Speaking of body fluid samples, I'm excited to go tomorrow for my EADFET to make my new position with the Yakima Nation Forestry Archaeology Program. Okay, I admit it, there's really no actual paycheck. Its officially volunteer work, but when I write up that resume this Fall and you see ' YNFAP Internship' you know I'm worth at least $14/hr after that.  Actually I'm just full of myself. I'll really only be getting about $10/hr for the TA position in September, but if I can squeeze every penny out of those suckers and do some work at the lab where $13/hr is noob pay, I think I can plump up the starving savings account.
I've got my stats class coming up this Fall, anyone willing to help a girl out? I'm a little scared about this.  I don't think I've used the left side of my brain since high school. I've got cobwebs growing up there.
Also, don't let me forget I need to start working on my application for grad school.  I'm always slow to get going on this sort of thing. Figures, I'm awesome at everything else on this planet, why would I be awesome at making proper deadlines?

Y'all are welcome to come see me dance.

Ellensburg is really growing on me and I can honestly say that I'll be a bit sad when I have to leave next year. I got this house that's more than comfy and I really like how things are going on and off campus. I don't know how I feel about living in a small town where everything is dictated by the church-going farmers and small business owners. It would be tough getting my strip club up and going. I heard a rumor that a Go-Go Bar is about to spring up and any ladies looking for work as dancers should do some searching, I know I am.

Scurvy Summer

Happy July to you fools, I hope your summer festivities are going along better than mine.  I would never wish this kind of suffering even on my enemies. Do I have enemies?  Alas, the rumors are true, I did have to go back in for a second round of surgery.  It was substantially more invasive than the last.  The surgeon had to cut into my hand again, scrape out all of the scar tissue I've accumulated in the past 3 weeks, pull out the first set of pins, re-break the bone, re-position the bone, add more screws, and sew me back up.  It looks better I think. It sure doesn't feel better.
If I thought I was a poor college student before, I am a REALLY poor college student now.
Now I've decided that the summer field school on the side of Mt. Rainier is not a good idea.  I've got at least 8 more weeks of physical healing and rehabilitation, and that says for nothing to my state of mental exhaustion.  Although sometimes I might not think I need it, I just want to take it easy for the rest of the summer break and maybe everything will be straightened out by the time classes start again in the fall.
Enough of that nonsense. Let's discuss my pet purchase plans.  My darling Gary died a few weeks ago.  He was a sweet salamander that I've had since he was a tiny tadpole with flowery external gills. See the video I made on the day I brought him home here.  Nonetheless, I have a fish tank now that I would very much like to put  some hermit crabs into.  I've done some research on crab care and I think this is just what I need.  These social butterflies like to live in groups, I think I'll get 3.  I'm going to gather a bunch of different sized shells and put some of my creativity to work for some crab-home decor.  I've got some name ideas but any of you can chime into my brainstorm if you think of something cool like 'Cthulhu' or 'Krusty' or 'Cap'n Teague.'

La douleur exquise

I'm not sure how to muddle through these clouded thoughts. I feel like I need to be able to think about myself and my recent behavior but I can't. It's really tough to continue taking my meds, but sometimes my hand hurts so bad I just want to drown myself in vicodin. Nonetheless, I don't like where I've been ending up. 'You wake up at SeaTac, SFO, LAX. Pacific, Mountain, Central. Lose an hour, gain an hour. This is your life and its ending one minute at a time. If you can wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?' The words are being whispered into my ear as they slip from the pill bottle I just popped. Its an eerie concept.  What I want, what I need, what I desire, and what I fear all seem to be a jumbled up mess.  My feelings are being coagulated and stuck in the receses of my mind, never to make it to my surface.  My meds are imprisoning me no doubt, but its a padded cell with three square meals a day.  How bad do I want to get out?
Where is my fairy god-mother when I need her! I am not making smart decisions about how and where to let my heart wander.  I'm an open-minded girl looking for love, but having fun in the process.  But how much is too much? I hope I know when to slow down before I just get myself in another wreck.  My intention is not to hurt anyone, especially myself.
I had to cut my hair even though I really didn't want to.  I didn't really have a choice though; I can't take care of my long hair properly with only one hand.  But maybe having short hair again will be fun.  Last time I had hair this short was the same time I had black hair last.  A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away...  I look a lot skinnier with this cut, and thats great. Next time I want to lose some pounds I will just cut my hair.  More pie for me!  All is good as long as I look good.  Sexy is the thing I try to get them to see me as after I win them over with my personality, and a hearty home cooked dinner.