Xibalba, adventure through

The path I have been following has become a bit overgrown, brambled, and difficult to navigate.  Someone hand me a flashlight please.  The amount of school work I've had to do is increasing to an incredible level and it's nowhere near the level cap.  I'm a little worried that I am losing steam for the adventure through school.  The last thing I want is to get burnt out on something I love to do.  What I want is security and stability, and what if I can't situate myself properly? I'm not sure what to do.  I want to do so many things while I am still in school, because I will have a harder time doing them later, however, the more I put on my plate, the more I just want to pick up and just go travel the world for a year or something crazy like that.
Dreams of far away places are not the only things star-crossing my mind.  I also have many an image of settling down and establishing a comfortable home where I can relax and have carefree afternoons.  All of this worry and conflict is driving me crazy at the moment.  I can't do this moody sleeping-in-and-I-don't-care-about-the-world every morning.  I need to find a way to get past that and realize that I can't retire quite yet, I have a few requirements to meet for that still.
I have a dilapidating fear.  A fear of leaving school. A fear of what happens after the degree is over.  I mean, I know the world of work is awaiting my expertise and talents... but that sounds so boring.  No one wants boring.  My career field is filled with many interesting things, but I'm quickly learning that if you want to be a part of the interesting projects you need to be a fucking rock star, and until that day (the same day pigs will be granted viable flying mechanisms) you are going to be doing the little menial jobs in the windowless basement.

I'm coming against conflict with my academic advisor and I have little--rather, no argument for my case.  He says lithic analysis is the key to the future of archaeological research. My mind says lithic analysis is a colorless and arithmatic analysis of archaeological materials.  Don't get me started on that pile of debitage.  I can't just tell him that his dissertation topic is a steaming pile of shit and I'd rather not touch it with a ten foot pole.  The scholar demands a bit of logical reasoning for any of my disagreements. I have nothing except that I would just rather study the stone cold bodies of ancient Greek and Roman marble statues, rock art, herioglyphics, paleo-lithic weaponry, or Mediterranean maritime trade of all ages.  I wouldn't mind visiting South America and doing some cave diving and experience the true feeling of being in Xibalba for myself.
My school doesn't offer classes or many resources for me to study these interests.  Pacific Northwest Native American tribes are much more important in this area for obvious reasons.  However it is sad that I must study these PNW topics at the whims of my professors because I don't have the financial means to travel or study independently.
Also, I think I am going to nut up and officially sign up for the Museum Studies minor. Le sigh.
I suppose for now, the best thing I can do is muddle through until I have received my degree and hope that life after school is not just a walk straight into my grave.

Bill of girlfriend rights

So I've come upon something that I need to announce to all my friends, and I figure a blog post might be an appropriate medium.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a month now.  We're still a new-ish couple, so there are things that are not part of our repitoire of actions.  We are also not a completely conventional couple, so yes, some of these common couple 'rights' are not going to be part of our relationship ever.  A particular range of abilities that I have chosen to not take part in include the following: nagging, hovering, controlling, mothering, smothering, stalking, inappropriate PDA, mooching, and squatting.  For some reason, many of my friends have assumed that because I am his girlfriend I will always know where he's at or what he's doing 24/7.  I do not know where he is all the time, nor do I care enough to know.  If you are a friend that assumes I know where my boyfriend is 24/7 you can stop assuming that right now.  You may ask me if he went to class today, and my answer is 'dunno' because its true.  If he wants to skip every damn class and just sit at home like a bump on a log, fine.  I mean, that sucks for him because that won't work for long... but if that's how it is, so be it.  I'm not his conjoined twin, I'm his girlfriend.  I also do not text or call him every few minutes to say 'where are you?' or 'just thinking about you.'  Not only is it completely silly but there is a level of pointlessness to it, he is terrible at responding to messages (something I can relate to). No, I cannot help you get a hold of him.  What should I do for you? Pull up his coordinates on a GPS from that tracking chip I put in him? You=crazy.  I don't nag. I don't give a flying rat's ass if my boyfriend has the dirtiest home in this entire college town. As long as his mess stays off my stuff, I couldn't care less. So you don't need to complain to me about his living habits in the hopes that I will be able to change him.  If he borrowed your stuff and you want it back, I don't know why you're asking me about it.  Take your problems to him directly, it might be more effective.  A home is a sacred place, sure, but sometimes getting lost in a mess can be comforting.  Hell, you should see my house around finals week, a health inspector would have cardiac arrest on the spot.
There are certain things I want my boyfriend to reciprocate, and he does. I don't want:  nagging, hovering, mooching, or squatting.  These things include knowing where I'm at and who I'm with 24/7. If I don't want it done to me, I choose not to do it to him.  He's a big boy, he can do things on his own without my constant pushing and heckling.  My boyfriend fills certain desires for me and those desires do not include the duties of a maid service, page boy, secretary, or servant.  If you believe him to be one of those things for you, by all means nag the crap out of him; I strongly believe he has never taken up any of these positions with anyone other than his mother.
Now that you may understand these things a little better, you can respect my relationship more effectively. Also, I'm sorry if this upsets you because I'm not talking to you personally, its just that a lot of people have been bugging me about the things my boyfriend does. Hopefully this may help deter any future misunderstandings.

Good show, gents

Eating ice cream, listening to love songs, and writing my blog; could my night get any better? Well yes, but that's not the point.  I want to mention that I had a pretty good time at a bad-ass double birthday party last night. Of course the party guests were all getting a bit booze crazy later in the evening but that's not entirely a bad thing.  You can learn a lot about a person by the way that they act when they are drunk.  As weird as it may sound, I connected with a few of my closest friends on a really deep level thanks to alcohol. I mean, I take the drunk things they say with a grain of salt, but if you read between the lines you can see what they are truly saying to you.
I want to take a little time to give a shout out to my sweetheart of a boyfriend, who even in the throws of a drunken tantrum, he can still take a moment to give me a kiss and tell me how much he cares about me.  I think that is really cool and I think that shows how much I mean to him on a deep level.  I'm always on edge when it comes to saying the right thing at the right time.  I just want to make sure I don't throw "Love" out there at an inappropriate moment, or even worse, when the feeling is not reciprocated.  Moments like that can be either very bonding or very awkward. I try to avoid the awkwardness.  Thankfully, my boyfriend was able to crash through the awkward barrier for us both.  Now if you're a person who knows us both, you may be thinking of a question along the lines of "Now these two started dating a little under a month ago... is it normal to be talking about 'love'?" My answer to you is simple, there are things here that are a long-time brewing over the past several months if not longer. Don't worry, I'm not too crazy here.  I have an appreciation for letting our feelings marinate before serving them for dinner, if you know what I mean. I certainly do not have any history in matters of deep infatuation, so I am being very cautious currently.

1Doz. red strippers--I mean roses.

The conclusion to my lovely Valentine's Day Rose saga ended with a bang.  My admirer finally announced his identity to me after two weeks of leaving mysterious roses on my doorstep.  My announcement after all of this is: I agreed to his proposal to go steady.
At first I was a little weary of this lothario to motion to initiate a serious relationship because we had been spending time together for the past year under the context of keeping our infatuations out of it all.  I mean, I admit it was a bit difficult for me to follow these rules we established.  It's hard not to start up something that is so incredibly fun, and not get caught up in the risks.  So when my willpower failed I would meditate on all the reasons why the rules of engagement are important and I would cleanse myself of any lust or jealousy.  Around the end of January I had made quite a bit of headway with a few other suitors and I really stopped worrying about any woes brought on by my valentine.  When he asked for a serious relationship I was surprised and unsure of what I really wanted, but I knew that this was something I really couldn't walk away from.

After having a couple days to think deeply about what I want to accomplish on a personal level in the next few years, I've decided that because its impossible to see whether the future holds tragedy or fortune all I can do is live in the moment and cheerfully hope that all goes well.  Of course, I don't want to start out making terrible decisions that will obviously end badly, but I don't want to make an instant flip-flop on my current lifestyle (none of us want that culture shock that is often experienced when leaving Karinamania).  I don't know if either of us are really ready to go head first into the cold waters of getting tied down by the relationship red tape; but I also have to weigh in the likely possibility of going down the slippery slope of reckless freedoms.  We all know how fragile the line can be between "I'm okay with this" and "I am deeply hurt by this."  I've got a plan that might be the solution to my problem, but I think I'm going to sleep on it, just in case I haven't thought of all the possible consequences.  I suppose making an informed decision may make or break my success.
I have an honest smile on my face right now, and I can feel a strong glow in my heart, so deep down I think I know I'm experiencing some good things right now. I like this. I am happy.
I also can't avoid giving a shout out to my bestest breast friend forever, Gwen, who got engaged on Valentines Day.  This is so exciting and I don't want to sound really selfish, but I'm going to be a little (and by 'little' I mean 'a lot') bummed out if I don't make the cut for Maid of Honor. This is a life goal I cannot miss my chance for.  I'm already planning the rumble in the jungle bridal shower/bachelorette party. Finally I can have my stripper and eat it too--CAKE! I meant to say cake... dammit.

Beau♥, beau♥, black sheepX

Its an interesting life, this one of mine.  Around the new year I decided I wanted to make myself a bit more appealing in a way that would bring the attention of men with the purpose of having a more serious and monogamous relationship.  An interesting turn of events has spun my tables in a completely different direction.  I was having a hard time sticking to my rigid new year's "resolution." Instead of dropping all of my inamoratos, I've come to acquire a few more.  I always hate when I have to drop one because my schedule, emotions, and energy just can't support them all; I also hate when I have to drop one because there just isn't any chemistry or connection coming from within me.  I hate loosing them, and that's because I really hate loosing the possibility to get attention from them.  Well, at least it seems to be following the theory of "one door closes and another one opens."  I'm enjoying being able to spend (exactly the perfect amount of) time with each of my gentlemen friends each day of the week.  I can't explain why or how these circumstances befall me.  Sometimes I'm just so excited to see my swain... so excited to feel his touch--I don't realize that I've gone over the edge with him until later when I have had time to cool my jets and contemplate the day.  Sometimes I wonder if my heart doesn't know how to work right.  I feel the rush of the moment, and I feel the farthest reaches of my passion, but I don't know how to make feelings last any longer.  I've felt those stirrings that poets have been repeating over the ages, but I'm always left with an empty and lonely shell of a heart once the date ends.  I'm finding myself always in a state of wild anticipation until the next man stumbles onto my doorstep.  I'm the witch living in the candy cottage waiting for the next victim to submit to her delicious temptations.  I really and truly enjoy the company of  these gentlemen, and I can't wait until the next time I get to spend time with one.  Its become the high (the addiction) I've been avoiding for years.  My starstruck eyes have not been able to determine if the path I travel truly is a dangerous one; but my brain tells me its a fool's hope to wish otherwise.  Well, I suppose I could send out an S.O.S. now; if someone knows a good way for me to save myself from impending doom, please let me know (until then, I guess I'll just have to continue enjoying my playtime like a good stack of fresh-hot brownies).
Its not just men I've been hoping to share my affections with.  I've been so overjoyed lately at the activities that I've been able to enjoy with female accompaniment.  I don't know what my aprehension is when it comes to connecting with other women.  I just get really nervous and sometimes feel a little intimidated when I try to strike up a friendship with them.  If only someone could just tell me the secret to being able to talk to women, all my inner struggles will be solved.  I really do love being able to spend time with the ladies.  I really like listening to all the stories and adventures that energize their hearts and their hatred.  There is always a lurking desire to have a few lady friends that I can trust to be reliable and stable.  Honestly, I'm trying really hard to keep my motivation to seek out this female companionship.  I don't want fear to overcome me this time.